Dear Mojito,
I don’t know how to ask this so I’m going to just get straight to it. How do I tell a man he doesn’t need to wear Magnum’s?
Signed,
If It Doesn’t Fit
Dear IIDF,
This is a tricky one. Cause you’re pretending to ask me one thing, but you’re really asking me something else. See – what you’re really asking me is how to tell a man his sausage is less polska kielbasa and more Vienna. But okay – I’ma’ just stick to the question as it was asked. I’ve come up with three scenarios to help with your problem:
Solution A
Don’t tell him nothing. Just have a little packet of minis next to the bad. If he says something, just say you wanted to get him something “in his size”. But you gotta say that last part with a whisper, like it’s a secret. A little secret.
Solution B
Tell him you want him to wear 2 “for extra protection”, maybe the extra condom will fill the space. Or maybe he wont go for it and he’ll just put on e normal size condom. I mean, how comfy can a baggy a** condom really be? I’m just asking!
Solution C – and this is my personal favorite!!
Start wearing really big drawers. And not big like granny panties, which are big by design. I’m talking if you’re a size 6 like Mojito (cough cough) then start wearing drawers that are no smaller than a size 24. he will definitely ask you why yo’ drawers is so dayum big, and that’s when you tell him that since he’s wearing them too big ass condoms, you thought you’d keep up the theme and start wearing big drawers. Just for consistency’s sake. Then – for extra oomph – pull out the sexxxiest pair of panties in your real size along with a box of condoms in his real size and offer to switch it up if he will. I guarantee it’ll work!!!
So, my final word is this. If it doesn’t fit…………………..this is bull**it!! And on top of that – yo ass is gonna catch something, the least of which is a baby!!! Wrap it up people!! And in the right size!! Sheesh!!!
If you guys have other advice or solutions or want to share your own stories of BBA (bizarre bedroom antics) please feel free to chime in in the comments section! And as always – please send all questions to dearmojito@gmail.com!!
XOXO
Mojito
Oh yeah - you can now post anonymously!! Just go to "anonymous" and comment away!!!
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6 comments:
one way of dealing with this....
tell the guy that the spermicide in the condoms is starting to irritate your vaginal area, u used to have problems w/it when you were younger and thought it was over but you are having the symptoms again. Tell him that you need to start using unlubricated comdoms and if you need the lub, just buy the bottle. Trojan unlubricated only comes in one size, regular. and that is a non pride hurting way of correcting that problem.
Well, me personally...i would just look at him and say, WTF are you doing with that?! Aint nobody got no time for no glove/love games. It doesnt fit and I have no interest in being your baby mama! Your lucky you even get to ride this ride...theres usually a size requirement.
Hahaha!! Jas - you are becoming quite the source for info. Note to self - go talk to Jas more, she knows stuff!!
T. Mills - you'se a nut!!
Doesn't matter. It's not gonna fall off. I went to 7-11 one day at this spot that me and my ex frequently shopped at and asked the female worker who is usually there for a pack of condoms. She looked at me and smiled then she immediately grabbed the Magnum's. They worked just fine. Do I need them? Not really. Do I care? Nope. Still get the draws. Doesn't matter.
Illfareal - big condoms don't fall off?
I don't ever want to hear illfareal talk about condoms ever again...eewwwww!
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