Fucking Thelma..........

So, the other night as I was looking for something to watch until I fell asleep, I saw Thelma & Louise was on. I loved loved loved that movie when it came out. Hell, I even named my breasts after it. {The left one is Thelma & the right one is Louise} But watching it 20 years later, I saw it differently. I spent most of the time thinking.......fucking Thelma. Ugh. I hate her.

We all have a Thelma in our lives. Or - maybe some of y'all don't. In which case, I am very jealous of you. But I have known plenty of Thelmas in my day. Or maybe you ARE Thelma. Don't know? Don't worry. I'm here to help.

You might be a Thelma if:

• You drink a lot. I mean a LOT. Like you can NEVER be the designated driver. Like your friends frequently have to carry you out of the club.

• You have terrible taste in men. And I’m not talking about the bad taste that we all sometimes have. I’m talking about your latest bf is a convict, drug lord, rapist or Charlie Sheen. Like a bad boy on a hunnid million trillion. No bueno. No bueno at all.

• You are easily “overwhelmed”. See – the part in the movie that made me say “oh fuck Thelma” is this. She got them in all this dayum trouble cause she’s a drunk ass. Then Louise is tryna figure the shit out and do you know what Thelma is doing? Wait for it…………wait for it………sleeping!! This bitch is the reason they’re on the run from the law & she has the nerve to be taking a nap?! Girl, if you don’t wake your ass up. And I mean RAT NOW!!

Basically, a Thelma is a person who always makes messes, whether intentionally or unintentionally, that other people (usually your friends) have to clean up. If you have a Thelma in your life, you need to cut that hoe off. Or at least refuse to play the Louise role in her life. If you ARE Thelma, you need to get right & stop this bullshit. Immediately. This is not going to end well for y’all.

I’m telling you right now……..Mojito ain’t going off a cliff for nunna you hoes. Believe that.

Any of y’all have a Thelma in your life? Are y’all Thelma? Have you played the Louise role in a friendship? What inspired you to change? Any other thoughts on this topic? Let Mojito know.

XOXO

Mojito

Who You Callin' A..............

Earlier today Mojito was called a bad word at work. The worst word Mojito has ever been called. Not the b word, c word, s word or mf words..........but a hater. Clutch the muthuafuckin pearls. I know. I KNOW!! Blasphemy, right? All because I said I'm not a fan of Jennifer Hudson, which I'm not. I think she has an amazing voice. One of the best voices out there right now. And I think she looks friggin GREAT in those new Weight Watchers commercials. But I still just am not a fan of her whole everything. She always has her mouth open, when she’s not singing. She’s always hollering & over singing. She just reminds me of neck rolling & wild arm/body movements. I dunno why. She’s just too much. Anywho. For that, I got called a hater.

So I do a little Internet search on the word & images of "haters". You would not believe how many images there are if you Google "haters". It is insanity. Don’t believe me? Here’s the link - http://www.google.com/images?um=1&hl=en&biw=1079&bih=524&tbs=isch%3A1&sa=1&q=haters&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&oq= (Side note - Why do so many of y'all think you have "haters"?)

Apparently “hating” is a serious & widespread problem. (This is sarcasm, people) I was curious as to what people thought about this, so I asked around. What exactly is a dayum hater?

Hater definitions from L’office de Mojito:
Five: someone that is SOOOOOO jealous of one's come up, he/she will say or do anything to bring to chop that person down. (i.e. anyone that doesn't see Beyoncé’s success, or feel she isn't that great a singer)

Anonymous Co-worker:
Someone who is unhappy with another person’s success.

In Mojito's opinion, a hater is someone who is jealous of another person's success, life, etc.... Or someone who is negative towards someone or something for no reason other than maybe to be opposed to what's popular or "in".

My final opinion is this. Y'all need to learn the difference between not liking someone on & "hating on" someone. Or better yet, between someone genuinely not liking your mixtape/fashion designs/clothing/cooking/personality & hating on you. Labeling criticism "hate" just negates it. And if you would listen to your critics, you might learn some shit & get better. Or not. Who knows? But bottom line is this - maybe people just don't like whatever it is you're doing/selling/being. That's not hate. That's just not "like".

And about JHud (& Chrisette Michele - who I was also accused of hating on) - them hoes ain't hate worthy. No shade. Beyoncé = hate worthy. Oprah’s rich ass = hate worthy. Michelle Obama = hate worthy. Them two other chicks? Not hardly.
Are any of y’all being hated on? Any of y’all self professed “haters”? Do y’all agree/disagree with our definitions of hating? Comments, people. Comments.

XOXO

Mojito

Um...........sir?

So, I'm not entirely sure how to even start this post. Also - if you are one of my brothers - I suggest you not read this entry. Just tryna save you from reading something you don't want to know about.

So..........this weekend a gentleman sent me a picture of his um......peen. Unsolicited. Not requested. Nothing. Now I have two issues with this:

1. What is this new phenomenon of guys sending peen pics? Like - what is the point of it? I really want to know. Like - do you think a chick is gonna be like "yaaaaaay, let's do it"? Especially unsolicited. I mean - if I said "hey, lemme see your peen" it would be different. But to just send it? Why?

2. The size. I wish I could get a second opinion, but I ain't gonna be showing this dude's bidness to other people. But I'm really tryna figure out if this is normal size. It's MUCH smaller than any peen I've ever seen. So now I need to know if I've just been lucky or if this dude has a problem. Also - wouldn't he be aware that his peen isn't of a reasonable size? Why would he send anybody that? That's like me sending a dude a pic of my stretchmarks - IF I had any. :)

So - here are my questions for y'all:

1. Has anyone ever sent y'all unsolicited peen pics?
2. How did you respond?
3. How do you tell a man his peen is not picture worthy? Or do you?

Anyway - just had to get that out.

Happy Monday & shit.

XOXO

Mojito

A Milli

So...........not sure if you have or haven't heard or just plain don't care, but Diddy & Titty (Rick Ross) dropped a million dollars on skrippas at the club. Well,people are NOT happy about this. I mean, downright pissed!! And I don't get it. Like, why?

I never understand why people feel like they get to tell somebody how to spend the money that they earned! Mojito comes to work every day & sometimes puts up w a little bit of BS. And if I want to spend all my money on cupcakes & stilettos, well I wish a muthafucka WOULD tell me I can't or shouldn't.

So here are the arguments & my take on this:

*** He should "spend it on sending 10 kids to college" and "not on naked booty".
Well a LOT of strippers are single moms. Who's to say that money is NOT going towards college tuition for their kids or for them, for that matter. Plus - it's his damn money. If he wants to take a milli & stick it up Cassie's vag, it's his money, right?

*** That's a lot of money.
Actually - it's not. Maybe it is to Titty (Rick Ross) & to Mojito, but it's not to Diddy. His 2010 net worth was $380 million. That milli he spent is not even 1/2 of 1% of his income. Break that down for the average American's salary - which is $46,326 - and that makes it the equivalent of the average American (read: YOU) spending $87.25. Now imagine someone telling you how to spend your $85. How mad would you be? How dead ass wrong would they be?

*** If Rick Ross is gonna stay rich, he needs to be investing in assets (things that make you money)
I actually agree with this. But let's say he is already doing that? Does this change your opinion? so - let's say we find out he's invested a ton of money already, does that mean he now has y'all's permission to slap it on a round ass in the club? What is the dollar amount he has to have in his bank account to make it okay with y'all? Does every cent he makes have to go towards getting richer or is he allowed to trick some of it off? Does every cent you guys make go towards your future or does some of it go towards foolery? (These are real questions - I really wanna know)

*** When you make millions, please don't spend one of them in a strip club (this is from a co-worker)
I don't understand this. The girls that work at strip clubs can't get their money? I mean - if they spent a milli on liquor or food, no one would be saying crap. But give it to a stripper & everybody has some shit to say. Estas loco.

I think I'm done. I could go on and on, but I won't. I would like to hear y'all's opinions, so you know what to do. (Comments people, comments)

Until next time.

XOXO

Mojito