As promised - I'm going to address illfareal's foolish comment from the other post. Although - he could stick to the topic at hand and refrain from hijacking my comments to talk about unrelated foolishness. (It's okay - he's family - they do what they want.)
Now then - illfareal wants to know why so many BWKs (bi***es with kids - his words not mine) won't date NWKs (negroes with kids). As one of these women, allow me to explain.
It's a simple answer, easily summed up in two short but powerful words: baby mommas.
NWKs come with baby mommas. (Well - most do, there are a few exceptions). And mojito is emphatically uninterested in dealing with baby mommas. I know you're thinking - but mojito, ain't you a baby momma? No sir. The coconut rum in my mojitito has been long gone so it's just me all me. No baby daddy = no baby daddy drama. I'm a momma, not a baby momma.
Anyway - that is the main reason for BWKs not dealing with NWKs, the BMs. Yes- BM, like bowel movement. You know why? Cause dealing with them can be downright shi**y. Now don't get me wrong - there are quite a few BMs who don't act up. And usually if a BM is acting up - it's because the BD has done something or has done nothing. And by nothing I mean - no child support, no visits, no involvement with the child, etc......... And so - rightfully so, BM is pissed and has no choice but to act up. I don't fault those BMs. I don't want to deal with them - but I don't fault them.
But there is another type of BM and this is the type that make me say no, no, no and no to NWKs. I'm talking about BM that still wants to be the girl/wife and can't let go of the past so she acts up:
- won't let the BD see the kids
- constantly engaging BD in needless convos (just to have a reason to talk to him)
- drops kids off at the wrong and most inopportune times
- calls BD at 3:00 a.m. while BD is happily snuggled up with mojito, talking 'bout "the baby is throwing up............". {sorry - flashbacks!! Side note - uh.........what kind of mommy are you that you don't know what to do when a baby throws up? what the hell is BD gonna do? Last I checked he wasn't a pediatrician}
Sorry - back on track now. So there you have it illfareal - an explanation for BWKs who don't date NWKs. Feel free to comment - I'd love any insight you or anyone else can offer. And ladies - please comment with your experience dating NWKs. (Maybe your experiences will change my mind!)
In the meantime - I have something to say to the NWKs.
If your baby momma is -
- married to another man (or woman) and blissfully happy
- dead
- in jail
- in Siberia or some other far away place with no intention of returning
if you meet any of those conditions and you're cute, single and your kids are well-behaved........holla at mojito!!! :)
As always - I can be reached at dearmojito@gmail.com
XOXO
Mojito
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Reserved for.........
Hello there! I was on holiday (I love to say that) but now I'm back. On to today's post!! So I take a little trip to the mall today during lunch with one of my co-workers/friends. There is literally NO parking - except this one spot marked "Reserved For Expectant Mothers". So I say to this friend - let's call her Marilyn - f**k it, let's just park there! I mean - what, are they gonna give me a pregnancy test in the parking lot? Like - how are they gonna prove that I'm not pregnant? Plus - I have holiday treats in my belly that could easily pass for a 16 week fetus. I'm just saying. But of course being the goody two shoes that she is, she says no.
But that got me to thinking - why do these hoes get all the perks? I mean - I have my very own mojitito so once upon a time I was an expectant mother, but why should that justify an up close and personal parking spot to Macy's?
Let's just think about this. An expectant mother has already gotten quite a few perks missing from my life. Greedy broads.
They've had or are getting:
- sex
- a date (hopefully before the sex)
- a cute little baby
- an excuse to eat massive amounts of food with no one saying things like "mojito, you're not going to eat all that, are you? the calories, blah blah blah"
So if you really think about it, they have enough. They don't need a parking spot. Hell - they need to do what my mom told me and walk that baby ou-ou-out (Andre 3000).
What I want to know is where the parking spot is for the 30-ish year old, single woman who can't find a date in this city of metrosexuals and BANs (bi*** a** negroes), who works hard all day and then some, who just wants to come to the mall on her lunch break and spend up a little money in this recession. Where's HER parking spot?
Where's the parking spot for the girl who puts on stilettos every day to bring a little bit of sexy to the world around her, bringing joy to men and boys of all ages, but not so much to her baby toe? Where's MY parking spot?
(I'm not even going to start in about how the Burbank mall has reserved parking for families!! Wait - so now we're giving special treatment to the people who bring those crying and badly behaved kids to the mall - the ones that ruin my shopping experience - we're giving them PARKING?)
Think YOU deserve a special reserved parking spot? Hit the comments section and let us know why.
Also - I'm in desperate need of advice questions so please email me at dearmojito@gmail.com.
XOXO
Mojito
But that got me to thinking - why do these hoes get all the perks? I mean - I have my very own mojitito so once upon a time I was an expectant mother, but why should that justify an up close and personal parking spot to Macy's?
Let's just think about this. An expectant mother has already gotten quite a few perks missing from my life. Greedy broads.
They've had or are getting:
- sex
- a date (hopefully before the sex)
- a cute little baby
- an excuse to eat massive amounts of food with no one saying things like "mojito, you're not going to eat all that, are you? the calories, blah blah blah"
So if you really think about it, they have enough. They don't need a parking spot. Hell - they need to do what my mom told me and walk that baby ou-ou-out (Andre 3000).
What I want to know is where the parking spot is for the 30-ish year old, single woman who can't find a date in this city of metrosexuals and BANs (bi*** a** negroes), who works hard all day and then some, who just wants to come to the mall on her lunch break and spend up a little money in this recession. Where's HER parking spot?
Where's the parking spot for the girl who puts on stilettos every day to bring a little bit of sexy to the world around her, bringing joy to men and boys of all ages, but not so much to her baby toe? Where's MY parking spot?
(I'm not even going to start in about how the Burbank mall has reserved parking for families!! Wait - so now we're giving special treatment to the people who bring those crying and badly behaved kids to the mall - the ones that ruin my shopping experience - we're giving them PARKING?)
Think YOU deserve a special reserved parking spot? Hit the comments section and let us know why.
Also - I'm in desperate need of advice questions so please email me at dearmojito@gmail.com.
XOXO
Mojito
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
WTF Wednesday!!!
Y'all – it’s WTF Wednesday! (Yep – I decided to make it weekly. What? You guys don’t have WTFs every week? Well Mojito definitely does.
Here are mine for the week:
- Really? You gonna start off my morning with a 6:32 am email that essentially says “850 layoffs company wide……………..more news later today”
- Did we say today? Make that more news on Monday. Have a nice weekend? (um………………..how am I supposed to have a nice weekend now?)
- Wait……………….is this person still here? How did that happen?
- Did FSMN just make a beeline to get over here and shake my hand? (For the uninformed, that would be the good Reverend Fo Shizzle My Nizzle) Stop it.
- Did I just eat okra? Ewwww………………………
- That Christmas tree is how much? You know we in a recession, right?
So those are the WTFs – but here’s the good news of the week – a founding member of the BSM is back in town so we ‘bout to get right!!! You’ve been warned!!!!
So you know the drill - hit the comments section with your very own WTFs!!
And please send any advice questions - love, work, family, money, extortion plots (I keed I keed) - to dearmojito@gmail.com.
XOXO
Mojito
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Who Is Mojito?
I couldn't think of anything to write about today so I thought I might as well do an about Mojito.
Name: Mojito
Birthdate: October 2008
Birthplace: Mexican Restaurant in L.A.
So during one particularly hellish work day - a certain not to be named group of friends went to have lunch and (allegedly) cocktails (raspberry mojitos) to relieve the stress of the work day. Topics were discussed and an alter ego was born. Mojito. You know how in tv shows or cartoons when people have to make a decision - there's always an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other shoulder? Well Mojito is like that - but Mojito doesn't have a halo or horns. Mojito is all about what's the most fun, what makes you happy or what amuses his/her master (a.k.a. - me).
So we started having WWMD convos - what would Mojito do - for fun and now - the blog.
Hope you enjoy it!!
Send any questions or advice requests to dearmojito@gmail.com!!
XOXO
Mojito & Team
Name: Mojito
Birthdate: October 2008
Birthplace: Mexican Restaurant in L.A.
So during one particularly hellish work day - a certain not to be named group of friends went to have lunch and (allegedly) cocktails (raspberry mojitos) to relieve the stress of the work day. Topics were discussed and an alter ego was born. Mojito. You know how in tv shows or cartoons when people have to make a decision - there's always an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other shoulder? Well Mojito is like that - but Mojito doesn't have a halo or horns. Mojito is all about what's the most fun, what makes you happy or what amuses his/her master (a.k.a. - me).
So we started having WWMD convos - what would Mojito do - for fun and now - the blog.
Hope you enjoy it!!
Send any questions or advice requests to dearmojito@gmail.com!!
XOXO
Mojito & Team
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
These Quotes Is Stupid!!!
So today, actually this year, has been particularly trying on both my patience and my nerves. Why don't we throw in my sanity as well - just for fun. And - oh hell, if we're going to be completely honest - my mascara (I should always go with waterproof!!).
So it got me to thinking about the saying - that which does not kill you only makes you stronger. Who came up with these dumb sayings and why?
Firstly - I'd like to go on record as saying that no one likes a woman with aaaallllll those muscles. Meaning - I'm strong enough thank you very much. I don't want or need any more strength. And on top of that - I completely disagree. That which doesn't kill me does NOT make me stronger. I think it's the exact opposite. I feel like I'm actually growing weaker from the stuff that was intended to make me stronger. And I'm none too pleased about it if you must know.
That said - I am rewriting - no actually I'm correcting - the sayings that I think are dumb and need to be fixed.
XOXO
Mojito
PS - Mojito needs more questions, so if you need any advice on work, relationships, money, etc.... Please send your questions to dearmojito@gmail.com
So it got me to thinking about the saying - that which does not kill you only makes you stronger. Who came up with these dumb sayings and why?
Firstly - I'd like to go on record as saying that no one likes a woman with aaaallllll those muscles. Meaning - I'm strong enough thank you very much. I don't want or need any more strength. And on top of that - I completely disagree. That which doesn't kill me does NOT make me stronger. I think it's the exact opposite. I feel like I'm actually growing weaker from the stuff that was intended to make me stronger. And I'm none too pleased about it if you must know.
That said - I am rewriting - no actually I'm correcting - the sayings that I think are dumb and need to be fixed.
- That which does not kill you...........makes you want to kill others. :)
- The early bird.............. gets really sleepy at around 3:00 p.m.
- A penny saved is....................still a penny.
- If you can't say something nice...........at least say something funny.
XOXO
Mojito
PS - Mojito needs more questions, so if you need any advice on work, relationships, money, etc.... Please send your questions to dearmojito@gmail.com
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Mojito Mail...................Playing the Field?
Dear Mojito,
I have been on a man hunt for the past few months. That said, I have rounded up a few prospects. However, there's a catch--they all know each other in some capacity. Out of the three, two of them work together and two are friends but they all know each other all though none of them are bff's. Is that tacky? Should I leave all three of them alone? Should I pick just one, whoever was first in line? Or should I keep on keeping on? Your help would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Don't hate the player hate the game
Dear DHTPHTG,
This is a toughie. If you were a man I would say f it – go out with all three. But the rules are different for girls. Actually – the rules are different for ladies. If you’re not concerned with being thought of as a lady then you can follow the same rules as the boys. I’m not co-signing this double standard, just stating that it does exist. Since we’re going with the game lingo, let’s think of this as Lakers circa I dunno when (whenever the Kobe/Shaq beef was thick!! I’m a girl dammit – I can’t be expected to know the exact dates).
You could pick one. Not the one who was first in line, but the one who you think you have more of a connection with. The one who’s offering more of what you want. If strength & loyalty and character are important to you – keep Shaq. If speed and career longevity (and a penchant for tacky crazy wives) are important to you – go with Kobe.
But there’s a third option. You could pick neither/none/all of them at the same time.
What’s that you say Mojito? How? That’s crazy? Estas loco!! I know that’s what you’re thinking. But here’s how. Keep things extra cool with all of them. No single dates with any of them. Group dates and outings all the time. Not necessarily with the three of them but with other people from your job or whichever circle you know them from. Bottom line – don’t ever be alone with any of these guys. That way you get to know them while keeping your options open and not being bound to any of them. Trust me – ain’t nothing worse than realizing you got saddled with the wrong mufu**a in the click. You will spend the rest of your relationship looking at the other dude like “damm!!” because he WILL be around – especially if he’s friends with the dude you end up with. And you will be pissed. Especially if you pick the wrong one. You done kept Kobe’s ass and let Shaq go and then you gotta watch Shaq go all the way and take that championships ring.
So there you go.
Choose wise, my friend.
XOXO
Mojito
I have been on a man hunt for the past few months. That said, I have rounded up a few prospects. However, there's a catch--they all know each other in some capacity. Out of the three, two of them work together and two are friends but they all know each other all though none of them are bff's. Is that tacky? Should I leave all three of them alone? Should I pick just one, whoever was first in line? Or should I keep on keeping on? Your help would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Don't hate the player hate the game
Dear DHTPHTG,
This is a toughie. If you were a man I would say f it – go out with all three. But the rules are different for girls. Actually – the rules are different for ladies. If you’re not concerned with being thought of as a lady then you can follow the same rules as the boys. I’m not co-signing this double standard, just stating that it does exist. Since we’re going with the game lingo, let’s think of this as Lakers circa I dunno when (whenever the Kobe/Shaq beef was thick!! I’m a girl dammit – I can’t be expected to know the exact dates).
You could pick one. Not the one who was first in line, but the one who you think you have more of a connection with. The one who’s offering more of what you want. If strength & loyalty and character are important to you – keep Shaq. If speed and career longevity (and a penchant for tacky crazy wives) are important to you – go with Kobe.
But there’s a third option. You could pick neither/none/all of them at the same time.
What’s that you say Mojito? How? That’s crazy? Estas loco!! I know that’s what you’re thinking. But here’s how. Keep things extra cool with all of them. No single dates with any of them. Group dates and outings all the time. Not necessarily with the three of them but with other people from your job or whichever circle you know them from. Bottom line – don’t ever be alone with any of these guys. That way you get to know them while keeping your options open and not being bound to any of them. Trust me – ain’t nothing worse than realizing you got saddled with the wrong mufu**a in the click. You will spend the rest of your relationship looking at the other dude like “damm!!” because he WILL be around – especially if he’s friends with the dude you end up with. And you will be pissed. Especially if you pick the wrong one. You done kept Kobe’s ass and let Shaq go and then you gotta watch Shaq go all the way and take that championships ring.
So there you go.
Choose wise, my friend.
XOXO
Mojito
Monday, December 1, 2008
Post Thanksgiving Thoughts
So, I know this is supposed to be the time where you give thanks and reflect on all your blessings. I get that. But the holidays can be a real pain sometimes. Like - honestly more trouble than anything. This Thanksgiving my family saw fit to list all the things that they are NOT thankful for about me. Yes - like you - I thought that was really sweet of them.
So that got me thinking - how can I repay these lovely people for the joy they brought me on this fine thanksgiving?
So I've come up with an idea. Can there be a holiday dedicated to the things that really and truly suck? Like a WTF Day? And you could still eat a big feast, but then you'd also get to go over all the things that happened or didn't happen for the year that really just suck ass. And if you wanted - you could invite family over - especially if they're on the list - just to bring them joy and happiness.
So let's list some of things this year that we're not so thankful for - I'll even go first.
Mojito's 2008 WTF/this is some B.S. list:
Your turn - please post comments with your 2008 WTF/this is some BS lists! Please! Please. If I don't get some comments it's going to start affecting my self esteem.
XOXO
Mojito
So that got me thinking - how can I repay these lovely people for the joy they brought me on this fine thanksgiving?
So I've come up with an idea. Can there be a holiday dedicated to the things that really and truly suck? Like a WTF Day? And you could still eat a big feast, but then you'd also get to go over all the things that happened or didn't happen for the year that really just suck ass. And if you wanted - you could invite family over - especially if they're on the list - just to bring them joy and happiness.
So let's list some of things this year that we're not so thankful for - I'll even go first.
Mojito's 2008 WTF/this is some B.S. list:
- how come I didn't get Beyonce's thighs? I did some squats!! this is total BS.
- what happened to my engagement/wedding?
- how did I end up in the ER twice?
- wait.............this is a raise? really?
- rogaine & rutgers (don't ask)
- boyfriends with secret kids
Your turn - please post comments with your 2008 WTF/this is some BS lists! Please! Please. If I don't get some comments it's going to start affecting my self esteem.
XOXO
Mojito
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Mojito Mail.........Is My Man A Freak?
Okay - so I got a question. Here goes.
Dear Mojito,
My boyfriend has a lot to offer on paper and my biological clock is ticking louder than the Times Square Ball Drop clock. However, I've seen a few flags that I'm not certain if they qualify as red or merely yellow/annoying. Recently, we planned for me to stop by his house on my way home from work for dinner. I got there, he seemed surprised that I was a little early. As we walked into the living room he quickly went over to his laptop that was sitting on the table and shut whatever he was working on and unplugged it, then excused himself to take a quick shower. Being the nosy girl that I am, I could see that closing the cover on the computer hadn't turned it off, so I waited a bit and then snuck a peek at what he had been working on....porn. Apparently that was what he was doing in the 20 minutes between him getting home from work and me arriving. What do you think Mojito? Is he a freak or just a guy who needed a little relaxation after work?
Signed,
Am I Dating Eric Benet
Mojito says.........
Well damn! He couldn't wait till you got there or till you left? I mean, really. I wouldn't say he's a freak - well not the creepy kind of freak - but I will say that maybe he has a high sex drive. And that's actually good to know early on in the relationship so you're aware of what you're dealing with and able to decide if you're up for it or not. And just think about this - at least it was just regular porn and not anything involving goats or horses or even worse - little boys and/or girls. Lucky for you - you just have a regular horny man and not a masked bandit aka Kels the pied piper of underaged poon. If this is the only issue and if your biological clock is ticking like a time bomb - I say go on and let super freak have a chance. But if there are other concerns I would leave him to his Mac and keep on looking for that right man without a sticky keyboard.
XOXO
Mojito
Remember - if you have questions or need advice, email me at dearmojito@gmail.com
Dear Mojito,
My boyfriend has a lot to offer on paper and my biological clock is ticking louder than the Times Square Ball Drop clock. However, I've seen a few flags that I'm not certain if they qualify as red or merely yellow/annoying. Recently, we planned for me to stop by his house on my way home from work for dinner. I got there, he seemed surprised that I was a little early. As we walked into the living room he quickly went over to his laptop that was sitting on the table and shut whatever he was working on and unplugged it, then excused himself to take a quick shower. Being the nosy girl that I am, I could see that closing the cover on the computer hadn't turned it off, so I waited a bit and then snuck a peek at what he had been working on....porn. Apparently that was what he was doing in the 20 minutes between him getting home from work and me arriving. What do you think Mojito? Is he a freak or just a guy who needed a little relaxation after work?
Signed,
Am I Dating Eric Benet
Mojito says.........
Well damn! He couldn't wait till you got there or till you left? I mean, really. I wouldn't say he's a freak - well not the creepy kind of freak - but I will say that maybe he has a high sex drive. And that's actually good to know early on in the relationship so you're aware of what you're dealing with and able to decide if you're up for it or not. And just think about this - at least it was just regular porn and not anything involving goats or horses or even worse - little boys and/or girls. Lucky for you - you just have a regular horny man and not a masked bandit aka Kels the pied piper of underaged poon. If this is the only issue and if your biological clock is ticking like a time bomb - I say go on and let super freak have a chance. But if there are other concerns I would leave him to his Mac and keep on looking for that right man without a sticky keyboard.
XOXO
Mojito
Remember - if you have questions or need advice, email me at dearmojito@gmail.com
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Mojito on...............shoplifting!!
Until I get some eyeballs on this thing and people start emailing me their Dear Mojitos, I guess I'll have to give & get my own advice. Today's topic - shoplifting.
Dear Mojito,
I have a frenemy - let's call her Liz - who is always trying to shoplift gentlemen friends from other peoples' closets. Why why why? How do I deal with a known shoplifter in my midst?
Signed,
Someone Is Shopping In My Panty Drawer
Good question SISIMPD!
Mojito says - if you have a known shoplifter in your "store" - you should lock your register and keep an eye on the suspicious person and any valuable merchandise. You should also reserve your right to refuse service to this person the next time they come in to "shop". And if those tactics don't work - violence leaves a lasting impression.
XOXO
Mojito
Please send your questions to dearmojito@gmail.com!!
Dear Mojito,
I have a frenemy - let's call her Liz - who is always trying to shoplift gentlemen friends from other peoples' closets. Why why why? How do I deal with a known shoplifter in my midst?
Signed,
Someone Is Shopping In My Panty Drawer
Good question SISIMPD!
Mojito says - if you have a known shoplifter in your "store" - you should lock your register and keep an eye on the suspicious person and any valuable merchandise. You should also reserve your right to refuse service to this person the next time they come in to "shop". And if those tactics don't work - violence leaves a lasting impression.
XOXO
Mojito
Please send your questions to dearmojito@gmail.com!!
Mojito says........
Okay - so this is my first post. Will anyone even really read this? I'm hoping that eventually people will send me comments/emails with life's burning questions and I can be like Dear Abby. Except it'll be Dear Mojito.
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