Hello there! I was on holiday (I love to say that) but now I'm back. On to today's post!! So I take a little trip to the mall today during lunch with one of my co-workers/friends. There is literally NO parking - except this one spot marked "Reserved For Expectant Mothers". So I say to this friend - let's call her Marilyn - f**k it, let's just park there! I mean - what, are they gonna give me a pregnancy test in the parking lot? Like - how are they gonna prove that I'm not pregnant? Plus - I have holiday treats in my belly that could easily pass for a 16 week fetus. I'm just saying. But of course being the goody two shoes that she is, she says no.
But that got me to thinking - why do these hoes get all the perks? I mean - I have my very own mojitito so once upon a time I was an expectant mother, but why should that justify an up close and personal parking spot to Macy's?
Let's just think about this. An expectant mother has already gotten quite a few perks missing from my life. Greedy broads.
They've had or are getting:
- sex
- a date (hopefully before the sex)
- a cute little baby
- an excuse to eat massive amounts of food with no one saying things like "mojito, you're not going to eat all that, are you? the calories, blah blah blah"
So if you really think about it, they have enough. They don't need a parking spot. Hell - they need to do what my mom told me and walk that baby ou-ou-out (Andre 3000).
What I want to know is where the parking spot is for the 30-ish year old, single woman who can't find a date in this city of metrosexuals and BANs (bi*** a** negroes), who works hard all day and then some, who just wants to come to the mall on her lunch break and spend up a little money in this recession. Where's HER parking spot?
Where's the parking spot for the girl who puts on stilettos every day to bring a little bit of sexy to the world around her, bringing joy to men and boys of all ages, but not so much to her baby toe? Where's MY parking spot?
(I'm not even going to start in about how the Burbank mall has reserved parking for families!! Wait - so now we're giving special treatment to the people who bring those crying and badly behaved kids to the mall - the ones that ruin my shopping experience - we're giving them PARKING?)
Think YOU deserve a special reserved parking spot? Hit the comments section and let us know why.
Also - I'm in desperate need of advice questions so please email me at dearmojito@gmail.com.
XOXO
Mojito
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5 comments:
Umm... yeah. I could care less about the parking spot. Everybody is overweight anyway (self included) and we could all use the extra exercise. More importantly I will discuss some of the benefits to dating women with children as people have flooded the markets with reasons not to date them.
1. U know for a fact that they were willing to have sex at least once!
2. They can't take up too much of your time cuzz they have their hands full with their tax deductible bundles of joy.
3. hmmm. I think that's about it.
Here's the amazing thing right here. I know many BWK's who don't want to date men with kids. WTF? They got some nerve. Little off topic but who cares.
---ILLFAREAL
Almost forgot. Why do people drive around for long periods of time to get a good parking spot when they're going to the gym? $hit is stupid!
---ILLFAREAL
Dear Illfareal...I must confess--I'm one of those annoying people who drives around and around looking for a close parking space at the gym. The reason's very simple...I don't like to blur lines in life. I reserve my exercise to INSIDE the gym, not around, not a moment before, not a moment after. Likewise, I always keep my liquor and desserts separate. Rum Cake? Chocolate Banana Ice Cream drink with a shot of rum? No way, no how. Cake with frosting, Whiskey with ice. Exercise only within the confines of the gym and all is well with the world.
Dear Illfareal - mojito says "stick to the dayum topic"! BUT - you have brought up an interesting point. And thus tomorrow's entry (yes - 2 entries in one week) will be all about BWKs who do not want to date NWKs. Prepare your spirit. Now then - stick to the topic!!
You are officially Gabrielle from Desperate Housewives...thank God "Marilyn" was there to be your conscience...it's official: as of this post the tables have officially turned...I am now "the nice one"
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